hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize