apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
