Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize