I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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