I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
