If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
