it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
