People with herpes should wear stickers.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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