If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
be right there i have to get my cape
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize