You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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