Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I did not marry a roomba.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
