When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
MIDGETS
????
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
