a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
