my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
