Taylor Swift is so right about you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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