I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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