I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
