dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
