Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
