Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
