I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
