Do you still have your period?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
one might say we're banned from that church
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
