My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
