Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
