it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
