So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
