I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
