Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
