If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize