I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
