There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
