i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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