i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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