wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
