My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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