Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
