so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
