I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
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