it was like fucking gandolphs beard
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My feet surprised me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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