So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the day after is always just damage control
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
