you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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