I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
