End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
