so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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