Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
