i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
