youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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