So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im holly from the hills drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
