You can't motorboat a personality
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he thought i was a dude.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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