Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
