I should be sponsored by Trojan
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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