dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize