Will you blow on my dice?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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