Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
