I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
