My nipple is on Facebook.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
