I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
