your parents love me but you hate me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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