My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
