she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
