Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
