I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
