did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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