i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize