I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
