Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Damn victory sex feels great
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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