fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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