Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize