Old men and throwing up are my life now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
