I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
honey bunches of taint.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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