We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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