did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
