Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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