So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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