I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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