i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
