the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
