Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize