Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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