wrigley field is MILF paradise
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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