If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
