Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
