Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
