apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are a genius and a whore.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
