What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
