Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
