Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
