I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I deserve this hangover.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
