He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize