You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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